Midnight Musings
It's midnight,
another bout with insomnia. A distant train whistle blows. It makes me
smile. It makes me think, and I wonder to myself, if I were on that
train, would it bring me to you. Would you be happy to see me or, would
you still be angry with me?
People speak of their lives, their happiness, their regrets. What
they would and would not do over. Some speak of what they need or, what
they think they need. Some speak of what they want.
Listening, I realize, life has not been kind yet, it has not been
unkind. My life has been a contradiction. Out of the bad things have
come good and though I didn't realize it then, it was revealed to me
later.
However, I have to say that life has been like a climb up a steep
mountain. It seems someone is up there raining boulders down on me.
Every time I get close to the top, their aim improves. Some of those
hits were good sized but, I have managed to dodge the biggest ones. I
have a few scars, I am battle worn still, I survive.
In all, not a bad life. I guess if I have to speak of a regret it
would be to never have enjoyed being with you. And if I leave this
world today or tomorrow, the parting would be a sweet sorrow.
The only thing missing in this life is you. Out of all my
experiences, I believe the experience of you would culminate a vast
learning process. See, I know how perfect we would be. I know the
compliment to each other.
After all this time, I am still alone. Not for lack of suitors but,
my love for you. Are you still alone too? Do I take a trip through
your mind sometimes? Maybe when you are in your easy chair, maybe when
you are out riding.
I know your moods... Standoffish, serious, mischievous, playful but,
I didn't give you time. So you live and learn.
You should know anyway, I am not a shrinking violet, never will be.
I was wrong, I admit that. Yet you expect me to accept you, I think
turn around is fair play. As you said once, we are not getting any
younger.
If it should pass that we never touch, never kiss, never know the
intimacies we could share, it would be so unforgivable, I swear, it
would be a sin. So Blue-Eyes, if I caught that train, if I showed up on
your doorstep?
Just my midnight musings. I will leave my question there.
