I Descend
Falling, So far down.. if I had only stopped
to pay attention. I was given the chance to make it right but, my anger
got the best of me.
I was a
milquetoast, demure, quiet, shy. My motto was, "treat all people nice"
but, I was never treated that way. I was laughed at because of my thick
bifocals, because of my red hair or because of my height 6ft. I took it
all in stride and told myself, it would get better as time went along.
It didn't get better, I found the people I worked with, the adults, were
worse than any of the kids I had gone to school with. They actually,
ate, hid or, put things in my food. They rigged the water cooler to run
all over the floor, soon as I touched the spigot. One tripped me, really
tripped me causing me to fall on my face, since my hands had been full,
no way to break the fall but, I did break my nose. It was terrible
going back, my nose was twice it's normal size and, if I tried to
breathe through it, it made a very high pitched whistling sound.
Someone left
the book on my front step. It had been wrapped in brown paper, tied
with string, the only writing on it, was my name.
In the
bathroom, I unpacked my nose, cleaned the blood that had caked around
the sides, ran a bath and just soaked.
I allowed
the tears to fall free, I allowed a moment of feeling sorry for myself
and why shouldn't I? I couldn't help how I looked, I couldn't do
anything about my height, I couldn't see without my glasses,
unfortunately I inherited my poor sight from my parents. It was like I
had been created on god's bad day with the left overs, the dregs,
whatever was in the bottom of the barrel. I soaked, I cried, I wished, I
prayed.
I didn't eat
very much, it was hard to chew with your mouth open. I grabbed the book
and tore the string off.
It was
leather bound, it had some sort of symbols on it's cover, something that
was vaguely familiar. I opened it to see creatures of all sorts,
winged, clawed, fire breathing, water bending, some were horned some,
were split hooved.
The funny
thing is, it didn't repulse me, it drew me in, it seemed the creatures
were talking to me. It seemed they were telling me, they were my
friends.
although the
writing looked strange, I could understand every word.
1st night: I
read all night, the first part of the book dealt with positive
reinforcement. I read, my total concentration focused on the book. My
eyes started to water, I took off my bifocals to wipe them, I dropped
the glasses, no, they were pulled from my hand and slammed down on the
floor, they broke. I became frantic, I couldn't see without them but,
wait, I could.. I could see very well, I could see every word in the
book, everything in my house, I could see it all. Suddenly, I was tired,
so very tired, I fell asleep in the chair, with the book in my lap.
2nd night:
Work today was a little less stressful than usual, now they all just
wanted to know when did I get my contacts, I didn't. I couldn't wait for
quitting time. I wanted to get home to my book.
Walking in
the door, something was different, it was cold. I turned on the heat,
never thinking anything of it, I wanted to get back to the book. Once
again, I read all night. The next chapter was a positive image.
Morning and
my image was amazing, I looked in the mirror, I just stood, I just
stared, that wasn't me in the mirror.. no I had big bifocals and long
red hair that was so thin, you could almost see my scalp. That wasn't
what I saw. My green eyes sparkled, my hair fell down my back,
luxurious, thick tresses, something I had always longed for. I had no
reason to run a comb through it, I just let it fall, ran my fingers
through it, did my usual morning things, took one more look in the
mirror and walked out the door.
Hmm, I was
going to have to get used to this, men falling over themselves to open
the door for me. I was sick with the new found power, I dropped things, I
announced I had forgotten my wallet, so I wouldn't be able to buy
lunch, they almost killed themselves taking my order. Out of the corner
of my eye I saw the women, they were not happy. What they didn't
understand was, I didn't care if these bastards catered to me, I loathed
them all. These were the same ones that would see me with an arm full
of books or files and hold the door open until I got right up to it and
then let it go, these were the same ones that had participated in the
laughter when I was tripped and when someone had put feces in my lunch
bag. They didn't understand how much I HATED them all!
LAST DAY:
Descent, down, so fast, so far down. The soul came to me and warned me
about the book. There was no listening, not for me. I was drunk on the
power, I was breathing in the hypnotic effects of murder, they had
wronged me and I didn’t mind that I had blood on my hands. I watched
them all, each one meet his or her doom. The car accident, the empty
elevator shaft, the falling pane of glass. It gave me chills, it made me
giddy, I saw the fear in their eyes when I passed by, divine pleasure.
They knew I was doing it but, they couldn’t prove it.
The soft
down of wings touched my face, it sent a shock through my system, she
warned,, “If you don’t cease your rampage, you will lose your soul.” I
didn’t care about that.
Now I do,
the torment, the pain and twisting inside me. Everything is dark, I see
no light not of bulb nor sun. I begged please, the horned creature bared
its fangs and laughed breathing sulpher in my face.
Here I am,
no way back, just my descent into the abyss. I look for my god, how I
want to tell him, I'm sorry, please forgive me but, he sees me as foul,
something detestable to him, something dirty in my unholy alliance,
still I try but, my prayer has blistered my lips. Amen!
