DRAWING IN THE SAND
(the sea god)
I postitoned myself in the sand. The umbrella and art supplies laying by my side. The ocean waves crashed along the shoreline, salty sea air entered my nostrils. The tears that fell from my eyes mingled with the spray. What did I have in this world. What was here for me. My life was empty, all I had was my art.. I wished so hard, I wanted to be, I wanted to belong, I just didn't know where, I was sure of one thing, it wasn't here.
I drew the figure in the sand, part man part fish? Webbed hands and feet, a crown of coral and a scepter. I laughed to myself, no I laughed at myself, but the figure made me want, I think the word would be, long.
Looking out towards the horizon, I marveled at the glistening water, like glass, so smooth, the scene put me in mind of the Bible "the division of the waters."
I wasn't really inspired to paint, instead I fell into a sort of, hypnotic state.
I don't know how long I sat there, but I had focussed my eyes on something floating just beneath the surface of the water. What caught my attention was the shimmer. So many colors, I thought it was swimming. Maybe it was a fish, but, there appeared to be appendages poking up through and out of the water, sort of like a swimmer in distress. This brought me out of my reverie, stopped my daydream, and sent a shock through my system.. I couldn't swim, I searched frantically up and down the beach but there was no one, no one but me.
Miscalculating the distance, I ran into the water, it didn't seem to be too far out but the further I went, the further out the apparition moved.. when I came to the point where the water was chest high, I began to panic. Turning around, I felt bad that I would have to leave but, I felt the current pulling at my legs and I wanted to make it to shore..
My feet would not move, each time I tried to take a step, seaweed coiled around my legs.. I tried to reach down into the water and free myself, but this caused my feet to leave the soft sand under me and I drifted a little further.
Oh God!!, the shore was so far away, I couldn't move and the struggle to be stable was tiring, I realized the water had become deeper and I had to point my chin up to keep water from my nose and mouth.
I had to fight the panic.. the water was deeper, the current so strong, the feeling of nothingness.. had kept me from learning to swim... wish I would have fought that phobia long before now.. now, I was just hanging on, hoping the water wouldn't get any deeper, knowing if it did, I would drown.
Think, think, that is what my mind kept saying.. think, I was told once "just lay back and let yourself float" at first, water covered my face, I flung my hands in the air, trying to grab for, what, think, think, I calmed down, I leaned my head back and relaxed my body, my feet came up and I pointed my chin up a little towards the sky which was quickly darkening..
It was dark now and the water was swaying my body back and forth. I was tired, I wanted to sleep, different things crossed my mind. None of which had anything to do with the water, funny how your mind can take you away. I closed my eyes.
It started small, just a twinge, a pull, a slight twist. And then, it twisted, the muscle in my right calf. I tried to relax it, I pointed my toes up, then the cramp climbed up my thigh into my glute. I turned my body and felt myself sink into the water. I tried to kick my legs and bring myself up, I couldn't breath, my mouth was full of water, cramps assualted me, try as I might, I could not pull myself up, I didn't get a good breath when I went under and now my air was running out.
The feeling of being surrounded by nothing brought waves and waves of nausea to me, my eyes stung, my chest burned, my lungs were screaming for air, but my mind fought to protect them from the vital air they needed..
I couldn't hold it any longer.. my chest felt like there was a ton of pressure against it. My lungs burned.. I shook my head from side to side, opening my mouth....I gasped, hard.
When the air rushed in, I almost screamed. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a relief, the air pushes against a restricted pair of lungs that have spasmed, a throat that doesn't open readily. I could taste blood. My head spun. I was disoriented, but someone was holding me. My instinct was to throw my arms around the neck of the person, I did. I held on for dear life.
I was laid down on the sand, I coughed and drew in a few deep breaths, now, now it felt good. Opening my eyes, there he was, tall and naked, long strands of seaweed hanging down his back, staring at him, I realized, that was his hair, he wore the crown of coral, just like my drawing, the gills on each side if his head pulsated, and I wondered how long he could stay out of the water. He fixed the sea green eyes on me, I tried to speak but he hushed me with a webbed hand.
He spoke, his voice sounding like the rumbling of the waves.. he told me I was a fighter, that although I felt lonely sometimes, life was precious, this was my second chance.
He pointed the scepter at the drawing and it blew away.. turning as he did and walking back into his kingdom, the sea..
