My Sheltering Tree
My grandpa came out and sat next to me... "I dont know why it makes me cry,, it's like it has feelings and we are connected". Grandpa smiled, "why dont you go up and sit under it for a while".
Under the tree was cool, beautiful, the leaves spread out like a large umbrella. Entering the shade of the tree all my aches, all my pains, all my anxieties...slipped away. I remembered then anytime something went wrong, I ran to the tree. I didn't hide behind the trunk or up one of the branches, I simply ran to the perimeter of the tree and no one could see me. This had been my shelter from the storm,,,,yes the storm. My mind flooded with memories. The howling wind, the dark clouds. the pressure building in my head. We were all running, all in different directions. I felt the wind pulling, tearing at my heels, trying to take me up into its grip. I saw the tree. My heart beat so loudly in my ears and the wind almost tore the breath from my body. The tree,,, I needed to get to the tree. I ran with all my might. The wind picked me up and dropped me to the ground. I stretched out my hands, my fingers digging into the dirt at the perimeter of the tree, and something pulled me in inside where it was quiet, calm.
One hundred and eighty people died that day, including my mom and dad. I touched the trunk, then threw my arms around it. A whisper, "dont be sad, I am tired now, one day in my place another will come and it will be a shelter to someone else just as I was to you."
The saw was quiet now, the old tree was gone, Still somehow, on a hot day, when I stepped onto the area that had been the trees shade, it was cool, and I felt safe.
Midnight
There was no reason, nothing I could use to explain it. one question. why? My mom flitted around like a little bird. The guests clucked and dabbed at their eyes, what did they know, he hadn't belonged to them. He had only been here thirty five years, then god decided I had been too happy..too happy. The phrase rolled over and over in my head. I lay on my bed, wrapped my arms around his pillow and cried myself to sleep.
Mom was up doing whatever it was that she did. That statement wasn't fair I knew but, I didn't want her there. I wanted to cry, without someone telling me not to, I wanted to scream, without someone shoving a pill in my mouth, I wanted to snarl, scream,cry,curse god, curse the ground I walked on, curse the day I was born, I wanted to take a chain saw and slice the bed in half, without someone calling Patton and sticking a needle in my arm, in stead, I crawled into the bed, silently said a prayer, thanked god for whatever it was I had and pulled the cover over my head..
It was midnight and I felt someone sit on the bed, just the slightest pressure but, someone sat. The covers were being drawn back, I found myself looking into the dark brown eyes of my husband. I grabbed him, I kissed him, I hugged and carressed him, I held him so close, we could have been one. He loved me, like he used to, he held me, like he used to, he caressed me, like he used to, he left me breathless and fulfilled, clinging to him as he gently rocked me to sleep, like he used to.I lived and breathed for midnight, I said the word, m i d n i g h t.. that was our time..
Tyler is a little replica, a clone if you will, he looks like his dad.. My mom keeps asking about the father? Every now and then, she shakes her head and stares at the baby. The doctors are astounded? Paternity tests are 99.9% sure. God how funny? Mom asks questions now, I laugh because it is unbelievable.. "Didn't you say he had been fixed, you had yourself done too didn't you, I mean, last thing I remember you saying was, you two were doing this because you didn't want to bring a child into this sick world, I am right aren't I?" I look at mom and take the baby from her, I kiss his little forehead and rock him to sleep.
