His Eyes
(eternity)
In his eyes were heaven, hell, the future, the past, life and death. The visions shook me to my core. The feeling was so profound, I went into cardiac arrest.
Tired was a word I knew well, it was getting to be too much. I thought I would be able to help, relieve people, make them know everything was fine, everything was going to be ok. Maybe it would have worked out that way, if I hadn’t taken the a job with law enforcement. Now, I traveled into the minds of psychopaths and serial killers, lived with them, slept with them, ate with them. Saw what they did to their victims. I was the (shrink), so I was not allowed to show fear, ask why, lay my head on some ones shoulder and cry. Some times I would just turn on the water in my shower, as hot as I could stand it and sit on the floor, as if the hot water would rinse away the sadness, fear, pain, as if it would fill my mind with knowledge and brush away the confusion.
Now I sat across the table from a long haired, brown eyed man, found cradling the head of a woman that had been brutally murdered. His (robes), had been covered with the woman’s blood. I looked at the file, he had only said one thing up to this point.. The officers said he had stood up over the woman and said (I commend your soul to the Alpha and Omega) , then promptly turned and placed his hands behind his back. He had not caused any problems during arrest and, some of the officers claimed they saw a light surround him.
Now though, he sat and stared at me, he didn’t look the part, and he had a quiet, calm, even soothing air about him...I could see myself laying my head on his chest, or him placing his hand on my forehead and, I was healed?
It unnerved me so badly, I had to excuse myself. One of the agents, that I had worked with the past ten years asked me what happened. I gave a feeble excuse of headache, cold, flu.. I had to go.
Why was I affected like this? What was wrong with me? I have had to deal with people that would scare the average psychiatrist into quitting his practice, he was not like any of the others, still he frightened me, he confused me. I took in a deep breath and focused my attention on the file. I asked who he was, he asked who did I think he was..I asked where he was from, he asked where did I think he was from..I asked if he liked women, if he’d had a good relationship with his mother, he asked if the woman had truly been his mother. I asked was she still alive, he said no.
I didn’t know what to make of the answers, so I moved on. I asked if his father was still alive, he said yes, I asked how old he was, he said, my mind could never comprehend age as he knew it. I asked why he had killed the woman, what had she done..he asked if I thought he’d really killed her. I looked at him, the funniest thing, I didn’t.
Hearing him shift in his seat, I looked up, there was a question on the tip of my tongue but, I couldn’t remember what it was. He spoke then..telling me when the time came, not to be afraid, I would be fine.
Traffic was good, almost non existent. My mind seemed to settle a little, but the brown eyes were there, just under the surface, searching, soothing, seeing..
I didn’t see the truck.
The man slammed into me doing eighty, the sound was deafening..strange, it was in slow motion. The windshield shattered, the air bag burst into my face shielding me I am sure from something worse than the slight sting it caused, my seat restraint clamped against me, pulling me back, digging into my shoulder, my chest and across my mid section. I watched as the front of my restored 73 Lincoln Continental came towards me, I screamed from the pain of the steering wheel wedging against my thighs. It took forty minutes to free me from the tangled metal, my body was numb. The jaws of life had to be used. Upon the release of the steering wheel, my body flooded with hurt, I felt something wet on my collar and raised my hand to find out why..the EMT stopped me, he put my hand down and whispered in my ear, he told me there was a piece of glass in my throat, it was keeping me from bleeding out.. Then he put his mouth closer to my ear and told me that it wasn’t time yet..
I was taken into surgery to remove the six inch shard of glass, since my throat had swollen almost shut, I was given a trach. The Drs. Checked me out and assured me that the big blue bruise on my upper belly was normal, it was from the violent pull of the belt.. I gestured my thank you’s. Five days later I was dizzy, sweating, hurting and throwing up blood.
Machines beeped, bells rang, voices called out instructions, then darkness.
I looked at the man, why was he out of jail? I couldn’t speak with the tube in my throat, I raised my hand and he took it. He walked to the side of my bed and picked me up. He sat in the chair with me, I laid my head on his chest. I was calmed, soothed, protected, loved. I looked up at him and he smiled. “See who I am, and what I have seen” ...
I saw time, I saw destruction, I saw tears, I saw blood, I saw my mom and dad a few years dead now, I saw the victims of the psychopaths I’d spoken to, I knew they were safe now, I saw him, a halo of light around his head, I saw wings, I saw myself approaching him and he held his hand out to me, I was crying, I was happy, in the distance I saw a being, light flowed from Him, I saw galaxies, spinning between His hands and I knew, if He took His hands away, we would not exist, we would cease to be.. I wanted to go to Him, but I wasn’t allowed, I was led back to where I had come from, my hospital bed. I heard a name called out and the man smiled. I knew it was his name ( Eternity) He picked me up, laid me on my bed, touched my heart, kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, I was healed.
A week later, an agent that had been there for the interview, came to see me. I asked him in a raspy voice who they had found to replace me on the case. He stared at me for a few minutes. And said no one. I didn’t really need to ask why but, guess I needed it said... The detective looked uncomfortable, he thought for a minute, shrugged his shoulders and said, “He disappeared”
Tired was a word I knew well, it was getting to be too much. I thought I would be able to help, relieve people, make them know everything was fine, everything was going to be ok. Maybe it would have worked out that way, if I hadn’t taken the a job with law enforcement. Now, I traveled into the minds of psychopaths and serial killers, lived with them, slept with them, ate with them. Saw what they did to their victims. I was the (shrink), so I was not allowed to show fear, ask why, lay my head on some ones shoulder and cry. Some times I would just turn on the water in my shower, as hot as I could stand it and sit on the floor, as if the hot water would rinse away the sadness, fear, pain, as if it would fill my mind with knowledge and brush away the confusion.
Now I sat across the table from a long haired, brown eyed man, found cradling the head of a woman that had been brutally murdered. His (robes), had been covered with the woman’s blood. I looked at the file, he had only said one thing up to this point.. The officers said he had stood up over the woman and said (I commend your soul to the Alpha and Omega) , then promptly turned and placed his hands behind his back. He had not caused any problems during arrest and, some of the officers claimed they saw a light surround him.
Now though, he sat and stared at me, he didn’t look the part, and he had a quiet, calm, even soothing air about him...I could see myself laying my head on his chest, or him placing his hand on my forehead and, I was healed?
It unnerved me so badly, I had to excuse myself. One of the agents, that I had worked with the past ten years asked me what happened. I gave a feeble excuse of headache, cold, flu.. I had to go.
Why was I affected like this? What was wrong with me? I have had to deal with people that would scare the average psychiatrist into quitting his practice, he was not like any of the others, still he frightened me, he confused me. I took in a deep breath and focused my attention on the file. I asked who he was, he asked who did I think he was..I asked where he was from, he asked where did I think he was from..I asked if he liked women, if he’d had a good relationship with his mother, he asked if the woman had truly been his mother. I asked was she still alive, he said no.
I didn’t know what to make of the answers, so I moved on. I asked if his father was still alive, he said yes, I asked how old he was, he said, my mind could never comprehend age as he knew it. I asked why he had killed the woman, what had she done..he asked if I thought he’d really killed her. I looked at him, the funniest thing, I didn’t.
Hearing him shift in his seat, I looked up, there was a question on the tip of my tongue but, I couldn’t remember what it was. He spoke then..telling me when the time came, not to be afraid, I would be fine.
Traffic was good, almost non existent. My mind seemed to settle a little, but the brown eyes were there, just under the surface, searching, soothing, seeing..
I didn’t see the truck.
The man slammed into me doing eighty, the sound was deafening..strange, it was in slow motion. The windshield shattered, the air bag burst into my face shielding me I am sure from something worse than the slight sting it caused, my seat restraint clamped against me, pulling me back, digging into my shoulder, my chest and across my mid section. I watched as the front of my restored 73 Lincoln Continental came towards me, I screamed from the pain of the steering wheel wedging against my thighs. It took forty minutes to free me from the tangled metal, my body was numb. The jaws of life had to be used. Upon the release of the steering wheel, my body flooded with hurt, I felt something wet on my collar and raised my hand to find out why..the EMT stopped me, he put my hand down and whispered in my ear, he told me there was a piece of glass in my throat, it was keeping me from bleeding out.. Then he put his mouth closer to my ear and told me that it wasn’t time yet..
I was taken into surgery to remove the six inch shard of glass, since my throat had swollen almost shut, I was given a trach. The Drs. Checked me out and assured me that the big blue bruise on my upper belly was normal, it was from the violent pull of the belt.. I gestured my thank you’s. Five days later I was dizzy, sweating, hurting and throwing up blood.
Machines beeped, bells rang, voices called out instructions, then darkness.
I looked at the man, why was he out of jail? I couldn’t speak with the tube in my throat, I raised my hand and he took it. He walked to the side of my bed and picked me up. He sat in the chair with me, I laid my head on his chest. I was calmed, soothed, protected, loved. I looked up at him and he smiled. “See who I am, and what I have seen” ...
I saw time, I saw destruction, I saw tears, I saw blood, I saw my mom and dad a few years dead now, I saw the victims of the psychopaths I’d spoken to, I knew they were safe now, I saw him, a halo of light around his head, I saw wings, I saw myself approaching him and he held his hand out to me, I was crying, I was happy, in the distance I saw a being, light flowed from Him, I saw galaxies, spinning between His hands and I knew, if He took His hands away, we would not exist, we would cease to be.. I wanted to go to Him, but I wasn’t allowed, I was led back to where I had come from, my hospital bed. I heard a name called out and the man smiled. I knew it was his name ( Eternity) He picked me up, laid me on my bed, touched my heart, kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, I was healed.
A week later, an agent that had been there for the interview, came to see me. I asked him in a raspy voice who they had found to replace me on the case. He stared at me for a few minutes. And said no one. I didn’t really need to ask why but, guess I needed it said... The detective looked uncomfortable, he thought for a minute, shrugged his shoulders and said, “He disappeared”
