Dream
(in the storm of mind)
Today was a one in a million,,the sun blazed full and bright that morning,, it was warm not hot,,warm so comfortable…I watched the little cherubs at play…birds sang above my head and I fed the Harpie eagle bread while he dug his talons into the wood of the bench….the wind sighed in the branches overhead and the water of the river lapped gently at the little rocks along the shore,, the grass looked like it was flowing down the hillside…the lemon blossoms fragrant, sweet, hypnotic,,,,I stretched and yawned.. it was time for my nap. .. the big cat growled softly in his chest,,, I patted his head,,, scratched under his huge chin as I lay my head down on his mane and fell deep asleep….
He pretty much patted me on my head, I expected to hear him say.. sure sure honey that's nice. I'm glad he didn't, think I would have socked him.. Instead I handed him his lunch, kissed him and pushed him out the door. With the dishes put away and three more hours before I had to be at my office (hell).. I settled back in the bed and drifted off to sleep..
The lemon scent was back, I inhaled deeply,, my friends were there and a couple more..across a lake that looked smooth as glass. There was a mist, I stood and stared at it, it moved towards me. I didn't feel I should run but, it did make me feel anxious...expectant.. something..suddenly I was enveloped.....
He stared at me, as if studying an object, I started to feel he could see through me and it made me feel vulnerable.. I tried to remain calm, but he was making me nervous, he was like no man I had ever seen, blond hair,, sea green eyes, like emeralds, tall, his skin a lite tan...the robes he wore, and that is what they were, robes,,, I felt I should prostrate myself... and that is when he spoke... his voice wrapped it's tones around me, I could feel every word.. they seemed to melt in my mind and a taste like something sweet in my mouth... “I am not the one to worship, I am a messenger,, a warrior, a destruction and I came to tell you, write what you dream...put it on paper, leave a record” I stared at him,, “A record of what ?” I think he smiled and as he spoke he turned and disappeared into the mist.. “a record of what will be”... I was to dumbfounded to say anything else, and just as I found my voice, John was waking me...
“Is this what you did all day?” I just stared at him, what did he mean all day.. “Why are you home so early?” He stared at me and then told me it was now dinner time.. I swung my legs off the bed and stared at the clock.. 6pm. What had happened, I only laid down to take a short nap.. where did the day go, why hadn't anyone from the office called.. I looked at the answering machine and there were ten calls.. my cell beeped softly.. “I,,I don't know what happened.. I had that dream..the dream about the perfect day... you remember, but this time some of my friends were there and there was a man, and he told me to write down what I dream as a record, then he disappeared into the mist and,,he had said he was a messenger...” I stopped, when I saw the way John was looking at me.. “uhm I will go and get dinner.”
That night .. I waited for John to fall asleep before getting into bed, I didn't want to make love I wanted to ...dream.. And I did, this time a little more detail, this time I could see that the mist wasn't actually mist but instead, smoke.. my friends were there, but they all weeped.. the animals were dying, the big cat I had slept on was just a carcass and the Harpies were picking the meat off the bones.. the cherubs had turned to dark, long fanged demons and they flew overhead screaming and laughing.. instead of the sweet scent a pungent acrid oder filled my nostrils. The cherubs flew close to me... the Harpies stopped picking and stared at me... the smoke turned red and the man walked from the midst of it...He turned and focused the green eyes on my face.... I asked him what had happened to the garden, to the animals, to my friends... He stared at me and told me it was up to me to see.. the dream was mine. But that wasn't the dream I wanted, that wasn't the original dream. My first dream had been calming, soothing, peaceful... what was this. No one would want a dream like this, I didn't even understand it.. the man placed his hand on my forehead and the touch sent shock waves through me.. “It is your dream, it is up to you”
John startled me... “God what did you do , dream all day again?” I focused my eyes. I had been sleep, all day? “John I don't understand what is happening to me” The look he gave me caused me to shrink back and his next words stunned me “all you do is sleep all day, talk about that stupid dream,, do you know our friends won't even call anymore..especially since you have decided to become a prophetess..we haven't been invited to any dinner parties.. nothing. If you don't stop this, I'm going to have to put you where you can get help.. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!”
The conversation with John made me realize how serious things had become.. I started to keep notes and I did write down the dream.. I set my answering service to call every two hours.. It didn't seem to affect me when I was out of the house... I worked, did what I had to do at home..still I could not account for blocks of time.. John and I were barely speaking, he had apologized once, trying to make me see there would have been nothing else he could have done but, that conversation had made me leery, mistrustful, and afraid of a man I had known for twenty years.. He felt it, moved into the spare bedroom and left me alone.
I was back in the garden..oh god everything was ablaze...all I could smell was burnt flesh.. I wanted to scream.. strike out but, at what, at whom.. “This is your dream, you must understand.. it is you”.. I couldn't see him and I called out.. “what does it mean, how is this my dream, why do you say it is me?” The alarm went off I sat on side of the bed and my nose started to bleed.. I ran into the bathroom, held my head over the sink and let it bleed.
Each day became a battle just to hold a semblance of normality. I became quiet and withdrew inside my own mind, I knew the dream would be there, never the beautiful dream from the beginning, always changing.. The fight to stay focused on life was starting to take its toll and I just wanted to sleep,, sleep and give myself over to the dream..just stay there, sleep forever.
I moved the pillow from under my head and laid down flat. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for sleep to come for me. I felt as if I had to do something, I didn't know what but, I knew I was supposed to be there... in my dream.
The light was so bright, it seemed to penetrate my lids.. I squeezed my eyes shut.. muffled words.. something was going on..
“She is going to be fine.. she won't remember the operation, the brain works that way, now, it is just a matter of her resting, just a matter of time” “Thank you Dr... will she remember the things that happened before the tumor was removed?” “Sometimes she may ask questions because certain memories will come to the surface.. but again, she may never remember anything, the brain is a most incredible organ.. if you stimulate certain areas, it will cause sensations and dreams,, you may feel heat, cold, smell certain things..pain however, since the tumor has been removed,, she will be just fine,, like I said,, rest, rest is the key” “What about the journal she kept, should I show it to her?” “Once she starts to gain her strength, there will be things you will have to explain to her,, and the journal might help.”
I opened my eyes and stared into the green eyes of my husband John.. I reached for his hand and tried to smile.. “Hello sweetheart..the Dr. says you are going to be fine..he wants you to rest, I want you to rest, those two crazy parrots are waiting for you,, oh and mew mew.. just lays on your pillow and cries.. spoiled fat cat..you rest now... I'll be right here..right here”
I closed my eyes,, knowing my husband was there beside me, I held his hand, I didn't want to let go, he laid his head on my hand and I felt the tears. And I slept..no dream this time just peaceful sleep..
He pretty much patted me on my head, I expected to hear him say.. sure sure honey that's nice. I'm glad he didn't, think I would have socked him.. Instead I handed him his lunch, kissed him and pushed him out the door. With the dishes put away and three more hours before I had to be at my office (hell).. I settled back in the bed and drifted off to sleep..
The lemon scent was back, I inhaled deeply,, my friends were there and a couple more..across a lake that looked smooth as glass. There was a mist, I stood and stared at it, it moved towards me. I didn't feel I should run but, it did make me feel anxious...expectant.. something..suddenly I was enveloped.....
He stared at me, as if studying an object, I started to feel he could see through me and it made me feel vulnerable.. I tried to remain calm, but he was making me nervous, he was like no man I had ever seen, blond hair,, sea green eyes, like emeralds, tall, his skin a lite tan...the robes he wore, and that is what they were, robes,,, I felt I should prostrate myself... and that is when he spoke... his voice wrapped it's tones around me, I could feel every word.. they seemed to melt in my mind and a taste like something sweet in my mouth... “I am not the one to worship, I am a messenger,, a warrior, a destruction and I came to tell you, write what you dream...put it on paper, leave a record” I stared at him,, “A record of what ?” I think he smiled and as he spoke he turned and disappeared into the mist.. “a record of what will be”... I was to dumbfounded to say anything else, and just as I found my voice, John was waking me...
“Is this what you did all day?” I just stared at him, what did he mean all day.. “Why are you home so early?” He stared at me and then told me it was now dinner time.. I swung my legs off the bed and stared at the clock.. 6pm. What had happened, I only laid down to take a short nap.. where did the day go, why hadn't anyone from the office called.. I looked at the answering machine and there were ten calls.. my cell beeped softly.. “I,,I don't know what happened.. I had that dream..the dream about the perfect day... you remember, but this time some of my friends were there and there was a man, and he told me to write down what I dream as a record, then he disappeared into the mist and,,he had said he was a messenger...” I stopped, when I saw the way John was looking at me.. “uhm I will go and get dinner.”
That night .. I waited for John to fall asleep before getting into bed, I didn't want to make love I wanted to ...dream.. And I did, this time a little more detail, this time I could see that the mist wasn't actually mist but instead, smoke.. my friends were there, but they all weeped.. the animals were dying, the big cat I had slept on was just a carcass and the Harpies were picking the meat off the bones.. the cherubs had turned to dark, long fanged demons and they flew overhead screaming and laughing.. instead of the sweet scent a pungent acrid oder filled my nostrils. The cherubs flew close to me... the Harpies stopped picking and stared at me... the smoke turned red and the man walked from the midst of it...He turned and focused the green eyes on my face.... I asked him what had happened to the garden, to the animals, to my friends... He stared at me and told me it was up to me to see.. the dream was mine. But that wasn't the dream I wanted, that wasn't the original dream. My first dream had been calming, soothing, peaceful... what was this. No one would want a dream like this, I didn't even understand it.. the man placed his hand on my forehead and the touch sent shock waves through me.. “It is your dream, it is up to you”
John startled me... “God what did you do , dream all day again?” I focused my eyes. I had been sleep, all day? “John I don't understand what is happening to me” The look he gave me caused me to shrink back and his next words stunned me “all you do is sleep all day, talk about that stupid dream,, do you know our friends won't even call anymore..especially since you have decided to become a prophetess..we haven't been invited to any dinner parties.. nothing. If you don't stop this, I'm going to have to put you where you can get help.. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!”
The conversation with John made me realize how serious things had become.. I started to keep notes and I did write down the dream.. I set my answering service to call every two hours.. It didn't seem to affect me when I was out of the house... I worked, did what I had to do at home..still I could not account for blocks of time.. John and I were barely speaking, he had apologized once, trying to make me see there would have been nothing else he could have done but, that conversation had made me leery, mistrustful, and afraid of a man I had known for twenty years.. He felt it, moved into the spare bedroom and left me alone.
I was back in the garden..oh god everything was ablaze...all I could smell was burnt flesh.. I wanted to scream.. strike out but, at what, at whom.. “This is your dream, you must understand.. it is you”.. I couldn't see him and I called out.. “what does it mean, how is this my dream, why do you say it is me?” The alarm went off I sat on side of the bed and my nose started to bleed.. I ran into the bathroom, held my head over the sink and let it bleed.
Each day became a battle just to hold a semblance of normality. I became quiet and withdrew inside my own mind, I knew the dream would be there, never the beautiful dream from the beginning, always changing.. The fight to stay focused on life was starting to take its toll and I just wanted to sleep,, sleep and give myself over to the dream..just stay there, sleep forever.
I moved the pillow from under my head and laid down flat. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for sleep to come for me. I felt as if I had to do something, I didn't know what but, I knew I was supposed to be there... in my dream.
The light was so bright, it seemed to penetrate my lids.. I squeezed my eyes shut.. muffled words.. something was going on..
“She is going to be fine.. she won't remember the operation, the brain works that way, now, it is just a matter of her resting, just a matter of time” “Thank you Dr... will she remember the things that happened before the tumor was removed?” “Sometimes she may ask questions because certain memories will come to the surface.. but again, she may never remember anything, the brain is a most incredible organ.. if you stimulate certain areas, it will cause sensations and dreams,, you may feel heat, cold, smell certain things..pain however, since the tumor has been removed,, she will be just fine,, like I said,, rest, rest is the key” “What about the journal she kept, should I show it to her?” “Once she starts to gain her strength, there will be things you will have to explain to her,, and the journal might help.”
I opened my eyes and stared into the green eyes of my husband John.. I reached for his hand and tried to smile.. “Hello sweetheart..the Dr. says you are going to be fine..he wants you to rest, I want you to rest, those two crazy parrots are waiting for you,, oh and mew mew.. just lays on your pillow and cries.. spoiled fat cat..you rest now... I'll be right here..right here”
I closed my eyes,, knowing my husband was there beside me, I held his hand, I didn't want to let go, he laid his head on my hand and I felt the tears. And I slept..no dream this time just peaceful sleep..
